Things That I Said Today

You're just dying to know what happened with the guest bed debaucle, aren't you?



"Um, there's a lip. That lip underneath the moulding is not going to work. Flush means no lip."
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"No, I don't want to relocate that stud."
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"No, I don't want to remove the moulding."
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"No, there is no way to take apart this bed frame. And, no, we're not going to create one."
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"Let's get the bed up the stairs and see if that half inch even matters. Give me a day to think about how we're going to refinish it."
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"Andy, I can't talk right now.... I said I can't talk right now.... Because I'm trapped under a bed... No, I'm on the stairs... No, don't call me back in five minutes, I've been here for over an hour."
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"Hello? Yes, I'm still on the stairs. What city are you in? What day will you be home? Well. We may have a little problem."
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"What was that cracking sound?"
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"Hello? Yes, I'm still trapped under the bed on the stairs. No, I'm fine. Douglas managed to grab my coffee with his free hand. Can I call you back?"
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"No, my husband is not going to kill you, I promise. He always sounds like that."
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"Doug, you're a genius."
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"Hi. How was your meeting?... Great. So we, uh, actually have a few problems. Nothing major."
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"Honey, we have a couple of major problems. Bobby is on his way over."
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"No, I don't want to put the bed in storage. After today, I may want to take a chainsaw to it, but I don't want to put it in storage."
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"So you're saying you want to remove the window and haul the bed over the back roof? Show me where you're talking about."
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"Don't touch anything in here, please. The room is, uh, sort of in process."
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"What's that smell? Is that a fire?! Those are live wires!"