Forgive Me For Wanting To Be Friends

Today marks exactly five months and eight days since we arrived in our Jacksonville, Florida neighborhood of San Marco. That very first day was marked with a number of surprises, much like the months since, including the discovery that being in an enclosed car with putrid puppy farts for over four and a half hours can drive a person to start questioning the meaning of life which involves conversations that start with, "Why did we adopt a creature that reeks like a diseased butt?"



The other day, over raw tuna sandwiches, Andrew and I were talking about how good the move has been for us. Especially me, who has struggled to create a work/life balance (slightly) more in sync than the 99/1 ratio of my twenties that drove me to bark and sleep with my cell phone. Just be glad if you didn't know me a few years ago. No, really. Be glad.

Anyway, we were talking about the benefits and the drawbacks of the relocation, and I piped up and said, "You know, I really miss all of my Guy Friends." Because Girl Friends are way easier to make when you move to a place where everyone is married, and I can imagine some Desperate Housewife hunting me down, tearing my face off, running it through her stainless steel KitchenAid food processor, and using it to bake cookies for that PTA meeting at Hendricks Elementary School all because she discovered that her husband and I grabbed a quick lunch at the new Jimmy John's and I ordered her favorite South Beach Sandwich, light on the avocado and mayonnaise, please. And who needs their face to be cookies?

Please do not misunderstand me, I have no curiosity about anyone's husband as a Husband or a Boy Toy or a Flirts To Feel Better About His Failing Marriage McFlirtwhore. (Are you insane? We're not together for his spelling, ladies, I assure you.) It's not a moral stance or an issue of principles, quite frankly, cheating is just my Number Three Turnoff right after Calls His Mother The C Word and Generally Isn't Kind To Dogs. No no no no no, cheating -- of any kind -- is not what I'm talking about at all.

I just miss having someone, on a completely platonic level, to share traditionally male interests and conversations with. Absolutely nothing that I wouldn't share with my husband.

Guy Friends are different than Girl Friends. Which is probably why most men that I've dated never understood that a Guy Friend is someone that you never hooked up with, never dated, never had any interest in. Just a friend.

And, yet, Andrew still responded to this entire conversation with, "I'm cool with it if they're gay."