Doctor: So you'd like to get pregnant?
Me: No. Well. I was hoping you could answer a few questions about that.
Me: I want to know how long we have to decide. Theoretically.
Doctor: I mean, that depends on a lot of things.
Me: I understand. But taking into account my health and medical history and stuff, you know, just level with me?
Doctor (putting down his clipboard and looking up): You know, I don't want to tell you that your biological clock is ticking.
Me: I'd like to point out that I'm only thirty one.
Doctor: And how long do you want to wait?
Me: blink blink blink
Doctor: Kelly, your biological clock is ticking.
Me: But we're not planning on trying for at least a couple of years. We don't even know if we want kids.
Doctor: And who knows? It might be super easy for you to get pregnant if and when you decide to. You've never gotten pregnant before so we just don't know. But if you wait two years, that puts you at thirty three. If a patient has trouble conceiving at that age we immediately refer them to an infertility specialist, because success rates begin to decrease sharply around then. Not to mention the increased rate of chromosomal abnormalities around the age of thirty five.
Me: But I have a neighbor who just got pregnant for the first time and she's forty. She did in vitro and BAM she got knocked up on the first try.
Doctor: Were they her eggs?
Me: I didn't look in her oven. I have no idea.
Doctor: If you use the eggs of a twenty year old than your success rate increases greatly. For some women, however, the biological component is important.
Me: So what are you saying? Be straight with me.
Doctor: At thirty three your eggs will have aged. Their time may be up.
Me: But not if we use a twenty two year old's eggs?
Doctor: Pretty much.
Me: Andrew, how do you feel about sleeping with your secretary?