Twenty Eighth Bag Of Mail: Part Two(ish)

OMG, there's more?!

I know. I won't shut up about this post already, will I? Don't act like me going on and on about something has never, ever happened before in the history of me and going on and on. If there was an MTV Award For Going On And On, you better believe that I'd nab that shiny bright blue ribbon right out of John Mayer's dirty little pie hole. And that sentence is not an invitation to email me about how much you love Your Body Is A Wonderland. Unless it includes a doctored concert photo wherein I'm photoshopped waving a banner size award ribbon in front of his crushed, weeping, greasy head. Yelling, "SUCK IT, MAYER." That'd be kind of funny. Or creepy.

Or both.

So where was I? Ah, yes, the post that I won't shut up about, because I realized after rereading it that I should have mentioned a few important disclaimers. Andrew is going to read this later and roll his eyes and I'll tell him, "BUT, SERIOUSLY, IT'S IMPORTANT," and show him the photo of me accepting my MTV Award. He says he can't help his physical reaction, the one where his eyes glaze over whenever I discuss money for more than five seconds, BUT, SERIOUSLY, THIS IS IMPORTANT.

First, we should all be extra cautious in this market, because crazy shiznit has been happening, and any of us could wake up one morning and find our entire retirement being flushed down the toilet as we're brushing our teeth. So. Whenever you email me with a question, just know that I've always got that possibility in the back of my mind when I'm passing out my opinions. The market is volatile. Think Tina and Ike in the seventies. There used to be six different ways you could get out of a property while blindfolded, and you could EASILY find two cash buyers just by walking to your mailbox. But today everyone is jobless and leveraging their first borns to secure home loans. Disco is dead. There is no guarantee of being able to unload property no matter what you buy it for.



Second, I don't want you to think that I don't support creative tactics. Lease purchases, assignable contracts, unconventional financing; I've tried them all. I've made money through them all. However, I've also seen a lot of people foreclose and go bankrupt using similar approaches with slightly different variables.

And no one who reads this blog is allowed to foreclose or go bankrupt on account of anything I discuss.

NOT ALLOWED.

The point is, your results are based on your micro market, your ability to be flexible, the amount of equity you're purchasing on the buy, the terms of your contracts and loans and aren't you sick of me beating these theories into your heads yet?

Like I said, on and on and on and on.

Anyway. To sum up what I'm trying to get across, I wholly support thinking outside of the box, and sending me pictures of myself owning John Mayer on MTV will get you bonus points. I do not support creative financing which involves selling those photos to US Weekly, taking personal loans, or renting to anyone who inquires about keeping livestock in the kitchen underneath their poster of Stayin' Alive.

I actually wrote an entire end to this post where I basically reiterate everything that I just wrote yet again, but I decided to delete it. It was sort of a How To. But not really. I just want you to know that you can do what I did if you really want to, no matter what the challenges or obstacles are. Keep thinking and strategizing and thinking and strategizing and preparing and strategizing and suddenly opportunity will leap up and smack you in your face.

TRUST ME ON THIS ONE.

And I know it took me about three hours to get to that point.

Which I assume is some sort of record, no?