Miraculously, I managed to pee for the first time in nearly a day. Which normally I'd be thrilled with, since I usually have to run to the bathroom around six or seven times after enjoying three sips of a latte.
We go through a lot of toilet paper.
Aren't you glad I shared that?
I can point to several reasons why my body has transformed into a house over the last seventy two hours, but none of them include the things that you've emailed me about. God Bless those of you who asked if I'm pregnant, taller, or sporting a double D.
Unfortunately, there's not really a silver lining to this thing, I ASSURE YOU.
The good news is, that I now own a pair of shoes in a size seven for the first time in my life, and nobody had the nerve to ask about the fatty deposits that bloomed on my neck yesterday.
And I woke up this morning as a compact car instead of a whale.