Saturday, July 10, 2010

You Probably Don't Want To Read This

Miraculously, I managed to pee for the first time in nearly a day. Which normally I'd be thrilled with, since I usually have to run to the bathroom around six or seven times after enjoying three sips of a latte.

We go through a lot of toilet paper.

Aren't you glad I shared that?

I can point to several reasons why my body has transformed into a house over the last seventy two hours, but none of them include the things that you've emailed me about. God Bless those of you who asked if I'm pregnant, taller, or sporting a double D.

Unfortunately, there's not really a silver lining to this thing, I ASSURE YOU.

The good news is, that I now own a pair of shoes in a size seven for the first time in my life, and nobody had the nerve to ask about the fatty deposits that bloomed on my neck yesterday.

And I woke up this morning as a compact car instead of a whale.

8 comments:

Allyson said...

You warned us...."You probably don't want to read this" and I clicked on it anyway. ;) Sort of like "taste this, it's awful!" ;) I'm glad your body finally played nice. Mine is always a crapshoot.

And Kathleen said...

I'm worried about you.

Life in Rehab said...

I'm staying out of this. I remember being a flat stomached athletic hottie, and 5 extra pounds once a month made me feel like Green Peace was going to roll me back into the surf at any moment.

Now I just snap my elastic waistband to scare them off.

Kelly said...

Hopefully, Allyson. Hopefully!

Kathleen, I am well enough to jump on the hotel bed, and that's all that matters.

Sunny, I LOVE IT. And will keep that tactic in mind!

Tina Steele Lindsey said...

I seriously must have missed something as I've not had time to read all your posts of late. I hope you are feeling much better. Whatever it is that made you this way, I am so sorry!

Lori @ Projects Plenty said...

Kelly... what the ??? is going on with you, or do you know? Is this an allergic or autoimmune thing? (You don't have to answer, I am not trying to be obtrusive). In any event, I am hoping you feel better soon.

Kelly said...

Tina, I'm finally feeling a little better! Thank you!

Lori, I've been sick with a strep thing and I have had a bad bout with tonsillitis in the past. So. Among other health issues I'm dealing with the doctor switched some of my meds and I've been retaining water like crazy. Not fun!

micah @ the yellow front door said...

you know everyone is going to click on a post title like that :)

glad you're feeling better!