Friday, July 30, 2010
Thank you, Dr. Bronner, for filling my entire upstairs bathroom with the scent of lavender since Wednesday. Anything that overrides the smell of wet dogs resisting baths is a good, good, good thing.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Me: No. Well. I was hoping you could answer a few questions about that.
Me: I want to know how long we have to decide. Theoretically.
Doctor: I mean, that depends on a lot of things.
Me: I understand. But taking into account my health and medical history and stuff, you know, just level with me?
Doctor (putting down his clipboard and looking up): You know, I don't want to tell you that your biological clock is ticking.
Me: I'd like to point out that I'm only thirty one.
Doctor: And how long do you want to wait?
Me: blink blink blink
Doctor: Kelly, your biological clock is ticking.
Me: But we're not planning on trying for at least a couple of years. We don't even know if we want kids.
Doctor: And who knows? It might be super easy for you to get pregnant if and when you decide to. You've never gotten pregnant before so we just don't know. But if you wait two years, that puts you at thirty three. If a patient has trouble conceiving at that age we immediately refer them to an infertility specialist, because success rates begin to decrease sharply around then. Not to mention the increased rate of chromosomal abnormalities around the age of thirty five.
Me: But I have a neighbor who just got pregnant for the first time and she's forty. She did in vitro and BAM she got knocked up on the first try.
Doctor: Were they her eggs?
Me: I didn't look in her oven. I have no idea.
Doctor: If you use the eggs of a twenty year old than your success rate increases greatly. For some women, however, the biological component is important.
Me: So what are you saying? Be straight with me.
Doctor: At thirty three your eggs will have aged. Their time may be up.
Me: But not if we use a twenty two year old's eggs?
Doctor: Pretty much.
Me: Andrew, how do you feel about sleeping with your secretary?
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
In any case, I did email a producer back today, and whoever sent the information thank you very much for thinking we're worthy of terrifying audiences on a national level. Or international level? Which reminds me, please let us know who you are. Because we're wondering if we need to say, "Eh?" in our interview.
I saw this guy last night and all I could think was, Now that, THAT would have come in handy while I was finishing this.
And just think how helpful he could have been with the curtains.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
p.s. Cocaine was around in the eighties, which I know because Winona Ryder's cousin told me. TRUE STORY.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Tomorrow Contractor Bobby is coming by to hang a thirty two inch flat screen on the wall opposite the bed, and I've spent a good deal of time figuring how to detail the wiring. Other than that, I think I can put this whole Master Bedroom project behind me. I could drag you through a recap of all the disasters, but let's be honest, do you really want to hear about the three hour bed saga or the ceiling that shot a softball size plaster chunk up my nose?
I didn't think so.
Anyway, here are some Before + After shots for your perusal...
Saturday, July 24, 2010
But I'd like to note that if it was, I WOULD HAVE TOTALLY WON.
By, like, four whole minutes.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Me: Am I okay? I wasn't the one who was all, 'We're about to drive over a ninety degree hill, why don't you hold back our new four ton bed from flying out and decapitating someone on the highway.'
Andrew: IT'S CALLED BEING ADVENTUROUS.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Andrew snuck up on me while I was working, which explains the blurry photographs and my Chuck Lidell pose. I'm sure you're so looking forward to the day when I actually post a picture that doesn't involve a dog, a bad hair day, a contorted face, or MY BUTT.
I wouldn't hold your breath.
In other news, the bed and headboard have been purchased, and both are totally Master Bedroom worthy. We found killer deals on each, and I'll indulge you with details once we've, you know, tested the goods.
They have to perform!
Speaking of which, now that the curtains are hung, I wonder if our neighbors are going to miss the free peep shows?
I guess you can't please everyone...