Pf.
In the months leading up to Christmas, Andrew and I began noticing ohhhhh around six hundred and fifty seven of the dogs' toys missing.
Poof.
Gone.
Vanished.
Disappeared.
Eventually, I started feeling a wee bit guilty-ish like I was being the kind of mother who is all, "You mean you kids expect toys, too? Go eat some dirt without shoes on and play with an acorn." And then fetch my carton of cigarettes. Kim Zolciak style.
So. You know what happened after that, right?
And they, too, went missing within, like, half a second of being brought into the house.
Poof.
Gone.
At that point I started thinking that we were dealing with a UFO. Or an exceptionally large rodent. Or maybe paranoid schizophrenia.
BECAUSE WHAT ELSE COULD IT POSSIBLY BE?
Boom. Goes the dynamite.
Turns out she is not sweet SHE IS A RUTHLESS LITTLE GOLD DIGGING HOARDER DRESSED UP IN A FUR COAT.
No, wait, can I be completely honest here?
Because I think the coat thing's an act, too.
That facemop has been stashing a small Pet Supermarket under that left window behind the sofa. For months.
Andrew caught her the other day with her head planted into the curtain trying to retrieve an armless monkey, three stuffed birds, five tennis balls, two chew ropes, and fourteen of my left socks.
But what a HUGE relief that last bit of news was to the dryer.
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17 people chimed in:
hahahahaha!!! This made my day! She sounds like my son...
Too funny. I bet you sure were glad to solve the mystery. What a wiley one she is.
Ohhh, I love that photo! Mopface indeed. :)
Ohhh, I love that photo! Mopface indeed. :)
I swear I had no matching socks for, like, three months.
I totally relate! My one Weim is a complete clepto - you never know what is going to go missing next or where it will turn up. She has a special knack for picking out my current favorite heels... I have resorted to storing them at work!
That must be a genius dog, being able to tell the left from the right...!
His fur looks sooo soft in that pic, I want to pet him.
hilarious!
on an unrelated note where did you get those sock monkeys?! i have been looking for one for kinley and cannot find one ANYWHERE! do the ship?
Amy, I still mourn a pair of Kate Spades from when Slate was a baby. Ugh.
I want to see a pic of all the decapitated toys and her stock pile! :)
WOMAN!!! Do you have ANY idea how much it hurts when Cabernet squirts out your nose??? #$%^&***(!
The Mopface Vanishings:)
Ahhhh....don't you just love her? I had a friend that had a jack russel and shoes started disappearing. They eventually found like 12 shoes buried under a bush in the backyard. Luckily, mine don't hide things. Sally just likes to kill new babies...so it hardly makes it worth buying them when they are unstuffed in 15 minutes.
Where is the picture of the stash? That would have been priceless, and you could have painted a watercolor of it. My dogs used to eat up all the expensive toys, the Kennel club $15 toys with honkers inside. I started buying stuffed animals at the thrift stores, for three or four dollars each. They think those bears, monkeys, and dogs are members of the family! They carry them around and don't eat them. They sleep with them and use them as pillows. I noticed one dog liked to put her head on a pillow, so I bought them their own pillow covers from Garnet Hill for about $3 on sale. They love them. Favorite toy of all time: $20 Ikea yellow lab type of toy that's about 30 inches long. They take "it" everywhere. Go figure. Ann
Turns out, she's a terribly, terribly smart woman.
My McKenzie and Satchel would get along famously! but with a face like that, all you can do is smile :)
I like that name for a dog, Kate. If you were closer we'd have a play date!
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