Back in December I booked our Vermont snowboarding trip with Sugarbush Ski Resort, a place I'd never been to and knew absolutely nothing about, but had wanted to visit for eons. Actually, longer than that.
The photos online look amazing, with mountain front views and ski lifts right outside of the rooms, and warm welcoming spaces with front desk people who sparkle like Fourth of July firecrackers.
And I like Fourth of July firecrackers.
I bought into all of that bullshizzle because everything on the internet is true, just like television, and Charlie Sheen-isms and telling Andrew that, no, of course I didn't mean that thing about his hair looking kind of like the Sol Glo guy's from Coming To America.
(Now you see it, too, don't you?)
Those of you who book online vacations that go down without a hitch, GOOD FOR YOU, you have my envy. If not, than you will understand. You will understand arriving at a so called resort that is actually a glorified motel on a so called mountain that is actually a speed bump a mile away from the lifts and being helped by a so called sparkling front desk person who is actually a _____ (insert the word bitch if you use it, which I don't, but if you do, go ahead and put it in capital letters with fourteen exclamation points and underlined twice), after driving for six hours in ice and snow and nearly losing your life to fifteen thousand four hundred and sixteen cannibalistic maggot flies. And you will understand how that can cause a person to scream on the internet about how
NO ONE SHOULD EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER BOOK A VACATION WITH SUGARBUSH SKI RESORT IN VERMONT.
Instead we got our deposit back, left, and stayed here.
Which meant that we had to drive around for another hour in the dark on an empty gas tank in the middle of the Vermont wilderness in freezing temperatures passing Bear Crossing signs and with no working cell phones or maps or idea of if we were getting any closer to Killington or if we were going to be trapped in the night in the snow and be forced to cut off Andrew's Sol Glo and light it on fire to keep us warm until help arrived with hot cocoa.
But we survived, which can be attributed solely to my determination that if it was my time I wanted to go down in a blaze of glory. Like a war hero. Like learning to snowboard backwards!
World Tour: Part 1, Day 12
World Tour: Part 1, Day 11 World Tour: Part 1, Day 9
World Tour: Part 1, Day 8
World Tour: Part 1, Day 7
World Tour: Part 1, Day 6
World Tour: Part 1, Day 5
World Tour: Part 1, Day 4