Monday, April 9, 2012
Twenty Five Things I Hope To Teach Aston
1. Always replace the toilet paper when the roll is empty. It's called being prepared.
2. At some point an ahole will offer you a cigarette. Look him straight in the eye and say, "No thanks, I'd rather not die."
3. Don't use the word ahole, because it makes you sound like one.
4. Open doors for girls. And while you're at it, hold them open for boys, too.
5. But don't be a doormat.
6. Take care of your body. For the most part it's irreplaceable.
7. Rely on your charm and intelligence as survival skills.
8. Never judge a person by where they live or what they drive. Unless it's a Smart Car. Then you can judge a little.
9. Be generous without any expectations of anything in return. Donate often. And (when possible) anonymously.
10. Listen to your father. Except if he's giving you wardrobe advice.
11. Don't tell lies, large or small. They're unnecessary.
12. Say please and thank you.
13. Always spell correctly. Even when texting.
14. On the subject of texting, don't ever send naked pictures of yourself through a phone or computer. Ever heard of Anthony Weiner? Google it.
15. But don't use Google to learn about life. Read books. Talk to your grandparents. Listen to cassette tapes. (Yes, cassette tapes. Seriously. Google it.)
16. At times you will fail. Often even. It's okay. But don't expect that anyone will be as upset about it as you. Learn and move on.
17. See as much of the world as you can.
18. Try to understand what other people need.
19. But that doesn't mean you have to give it to them. Don't commit to a girl unless you're really, really, really, really, really, really, really sure (especially if either of you are under thirty).
20. The same goes for tattoos.
21. Always cheer for the Chicago Cubs. And visit Wrigley Field often. Take your dad.
22. Dance in the rain. Play in the mud. Roll in the grass. Forget that you're wearing your good shoes.
23. Familiarize yourself with tax laws. Have a relationship with an accountant you can trust.
24. It is not okay to run in the street after ice cream trucks. Unless you're chasing your father or getting me a Fudgesicle. Then it's fine.
25. We love you. If you learn nothing else, know that we love you.